#4. Qualifications

In business school, one is forced to interact with many different people, who have various backgrounds, levels of integrity, work ethics, and blood alcohol levels. Business Students must therefore be able to size someone up quickly to determine if they should be put into the weekend party friend group, the homework group member list, the most likely to give me a job later when I'm a miserable business school failure list, or the might make me look good on the golf course list.

Therefore, Qualifications, known outside the business school world as "stereotypes," are an important tool for sorting the myriad acquaintances the Business Student makes at school.

Instead of a detailed explanation, which Business Students hate, here are a few examples of how Business Students use Qualifications

Example #1. Undergraduate Institution
NCAA Division I: Make friends with this person so they will invite you to Las Vegas for spring break. May or may not be serious about academics, but is definitely serious about hosting your bachelor party.
Ivy League: This person is mysteriously calm during recruiting season because they already have eighteen job offers. Angle to be sure this person can do your homework while you are interviewing.
Unrecognized: This person did not get into business school based on their undergraduate college, so they are either wicked smart, or have performed a Seemingly Impossible Physical Achievement.

Example #2. Previous Employer
Consulting Company or Investment Bank: This person is the quintessential Business Student. They are not paying their own tuition, and they should have a lot of money in the bank. Conclusion: business school is a necessary step in this person's career, but they are probably not taking it too seriously. If you play your cards right, you can end up with a lot of free drinks courtesy of this person.
Industry Job: This person came to business school to advance or change their career, and are likely to be laser-focused on this task. However, this person is highly influence-able because of the broad new horizons they will experience at business school. The result is that they will do your homework while you are drinking with the former I-Banker.
Nonprofit, Government, or Education: Watch out for these people. They are here to sabotage your education by asking you to explain the definition of Net Present Value until you eventually just give them the answers to the homework and then get nailed for an honor code violation (thus freeing up an extra interview slot). You can successfully fend these people off by wearing right-wing political apparel, and by making statements about how (sustainability, corporate responsibility, social enterprise, etc.) is a bunch of BS and will never be a viable business. If you make such a statement and need to repair your relationship with one of these people for a group assignment in the future, try making conspicuous use of the recycling bin.

There are several more types of qualifications that Business Students use to stereotype you, including the type of smartphone and/or laptop you use, whether your dress shirts are tailored or not, and your international travel experience (bonus points for traveling on someone else's dime). Business Students inevitably combine these qualifications to come up with an "Acquaintance Value Added (AVA)" score for each person. To ease the burden on students of making these judgments, some business schools are considering making Business Students prominently display a predetermined AVA score at all times during the first semester.